How to Deal With Friggatriskaidekaphobia — Don’t Risk It This Friday the 13th
Everyone knows that Friday the 13th is synonymous with bad luck. So even if you’re just a tad bit superstitious, why go outside — when you can postmate everything you need, straight to your door in minutes?
Oh right, your boss, friends, teachers, kids, significant other, etc. might not be as cool as we are with you staying home today.
Well, we’re two steps ahead of you.
First, you can postmate literally all of your earthly needs — and never have to leave your couch. Second, we’ve taken the liberty of drafting some excuses for you. You’re welcome. Now you’re free to bail on work / friends and avoid leaving the house all together.
Here’s our ultimate guide for surviving Friday the 13th:
1. Say This:
Please excuse ______ from work today. S/he’s afraid to leave the house because it’s Friday the 13th and his/her neighbor has 20 cats.
Now that that’s taken care of, admit that you’re still hungover and postmate a breakfast burrito, cheese fries, bacon, and coffee — with no strings attached.
2. Say This:
Dear Boss-Man, I caught that thing… that’s been “going around the office.” You know that thing… the flu, the stomach bug, the general malaise? It’s going around the office! Everyone has it. Anyway, I am not coming in.
Celebrate your well drafted email by postmating fried chicken or a burger… with a side of flamin’ hot cheetos. Just because.
3. Say This:
Hey pal! Sorry but I can’t make it to your party tonight. I forgot to knock on wood earlier and it’s Friday the 13th so you know…I’m not leaving the house.
Just because you hardcore bailed, doesn’t mean you can’t have a party for one. Postmate chocolate, cookies + a pint of ice cream with popcorn on the side. Cheers to that and avoiding a Friday the 13th catastrophe.